


Keep On Fighting

by jstadrtyhdlm



Category: All Time Low, Bandom
Genre: Jalex - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 20:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10446501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstadrtyhdlm/pseuds/jstadrtyhdlm
Summary: Jack is finally recovering from the emotional turmoil Alex has caused him. He's finally getting back to himself.That is, until Alex decides to come back.





	

Jack lays sore, after a day of exercising and playing football with his friends, on his welcoming bed. His body aches from his head to his toes but he felt kind of good, like things were finally starting to be okay. Sure he still drinks a lot and parties too much but now it's balanced a little. He's not completely wrecked all the time and maybe... he's happy?

It was really hard for him after Alex had finally tied the knot with Lisa. Things just got worse and worse so he drank the pain away. It sucked for so long, but the fact that he was finally letting himself come back from it was making him feel more hopeful than ever.

Jack smiles slightly to himself and picks up his phone to scroll through his social medias. The fans are being awesome like usual and he retweets a few pieces of fan art he came across that were really cool.

Then he switches to Snapchat and let's his friends' stories roll through. He almost clicks past it, but back tracks and stops himself.

Alex's pouty face litters Jack's screen and he's doing nothing to stop it. Alex used a filter that made snow fall around his frame for the photo. Inside the picture he's looking up at the white flakes in faux awe because in real life there were no snow flakes inside his house.

A broken smile stretches lazily across Jack's face. He hasn't felt it in a while, that light pang in his chest that he felt so intensely at first. He is doing so good, and one picture, one picture of him, can undo it all.

He refuses to let that be true.

Jack's finger hovers over the screen and once the picture of Alex actually disappeared, due to time running out, and a video of Alex hiking through some trees pops up, Jack taps the screen and skips hastily through the rest of his stories before stabbing the power button and setting his phone down for the night.

Jack is not going to let himself look at old pictures of them in which they're both smiling like there's no where else they'd rather be, and he is not going to torture himself by listening to old love songs Alex had written about him back when things were simpler. He can't.

Alex had become so... tamed since the wedding. All he ever talked about was her, her, her. And when breaks in between band stuff happened, like now, there were so many pictures of the happy couple doing boring coupley things. It made Jack physically sick to think about, so he decides to just think about only Alex instead.

Fuck, he really does miss him. More than he'd be willing to admit to anyone but himself. So much more.

So many nights they'd spent in this very bed. Alex had snuck away to be with Jack. They'd lay close to each other and laugh into each others' necks about dumb things they'd manage to come up with. Alex would smile so brightly and caress Jack's stubbly cheek. And after some time one of them would close the gap between them once more, seal their shared feelings with a kiss.

Jack isn't sure, even now, how he managed to fuck it up. He doesn't understand what he did to ruin the best fucking thing in his life.

He pulls a pillow close to him and holds it tight against his chest. Those nights are just a memory now but they're all Jack has left. Just painful memories of the only real love he's ever had...

Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all, is what they say, whoever 'they' are Jack doesn't know, but he does know that either way it's bullshit though.

He eventually calms himself down enough to go to sleep, and when he wakes up in the morning he's more than ready to get back to football with his friends and forget that last night even happened.

~~~

Nearly a month after the last time he let himself get emotional over Alex, the very man himself turns up in the most random place.

Jack is grabbing a coffee before starting his day. He was almost done at the self serving counter when he someone taps him on the shoulder.

Jack, half asleep still, turns to look at who'd touched him and freezes in place when his eyes land on a grinning Alex.

"I thought that was you." Alex mumbles, never taking his eyes off Jack. "I mean, how could I really mistake the red hair?"

Jack almost doesn't say anything in return. He stands there a moment contemplating what to do next. He can make small talk and leave as quick as possible. He can sit and catch up with his ex... He can leave without saying a word.

He was going to have to do this sooner or later anyway. If he ditched him now they would just be super weird when they get the band back together. Alex would be sad and distant. Jack would be sad and distant. Zack and Rian would be the only ones who would want to be there. It's the kind of thing that could break up a band. So Jack decides to be a team player, for all of them.

Jack exhaled, and let himself smile a little, "Hi." After all, it was good to see him.

"How've you been? It's been... a long time, Jack." Alex holds his elbow in his right hand and bounces on his feet. He's fidgeting, he doesn't know how to carry himself.

"I've been good." Jack replies, trying to act like a normal human. "You?"

Alex nods rapidly, "I'm good. Lisa and I just got back from Arizona yesterday."

"Oh," he hums, knowing he's going to loose interest in the conversation if it goes in that direction, "That's nice."

"Sure..." Alex tilts his head to the side, staring at Jack. "You know I've been thinking about-"

"Alex, I forgot to tell you I want mine to be decaf so I can sleep a little before the party."

Jack sees her touch his shoulder as Alex had done to his moments earlier. She's tanner than Alex and she beams like the happiest woman in the world.

"Got it," Alex says.

Lisa's eyes hand on Jack, "Hey! Holy shit it's been forever." To Jack's surprise she lunges forward and wraps him in a friendly hug. It shocks him for only a moment and he wonders why she's doing this. Then he remembers she doesn't know about anything. They used to be friends. Jack stopped being her friend in his mind, but he guesses she didn't.

"Hey Lisa," he says when they stop hugging. Alex looks uncomfortable, like his two worlds are colliding. And honestly they kind of were.

"Alright I hate to rush off but I gotta get back to the dogs. We should catch up sometime Jack. All of us." She smiles at him happily and turns to Alex to remind him about wanting decaf, then heads back out the small shop.

"She... seems well," Jack bites the inside of his cheek, "Really well."

"Yep," Alex nods once, and averts his eyes.

They stand there in a very uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. There never used to be a moment that they couldn't find something to say. That makes Jack's chest ache. He finds his grip on his coffee tightening.

"Well," Jack breathes, feeling like he was either going to explode or lose his mind, "I really have to go. Practice and everything." The flustered guitarist starts off while Alex tries to form a proper goodbye. He almost makes it to the door too. Alex calls his name and he can't not turn around.

"Jack, uhm, things have changed, but I miss you," he fumbles with his hands, rocking back and forth on his feet again. "I just wanted to tell you that. Uh, text me okay?"

Jack swallows the lump in his throat and nods. Of course... of course he will. He makes a hasty exit seconds later, walking the opposite direction of Lisa so he doesn't have to fake a happy smile to the woman who unknowingly stole the love of his life. He doesn't hate her because he knows it isn't her fault, but he still knows that he can't bare it.

~~~

Writing out a text is sometimes the hardest thing in the entire world. What's too casual? What's too serious? Should it be long? How are you supposed to even start a conversation with someone you haven't spoken to properly in months?

All these questions bounce around in Jack's head while he types out the same text seventeen times in twelve different ways. A few times he just writes the same exact thing, then quickly deletes it having remembered why he hated it in the first place.

He fought with himself for so long about whether he was going to text Alex or not. It isn't a good idea, he'd tell himself, then he'd think, he used to be my best friend it wouldn't hurt to catch up a little. Then he'd come back with, he broke you and you're only now putting yourself back together, is it worth it? And it went on like that for an excessive amount of time.

He'd eventually decided upon texting Alex, seeing how it goes, and evacuating the situation if things go badly, however he did not think about the actual text he would be sending to said person. It is a lot harder to formulate than he remembers and he doesn't know how things used to be so easy.

Is a simple 'hi' too little? Does he have to explain why he was texting? 'Hey Alex, you told me to text you, so yeah, hi,' seems a bit too awkward even for Jack.

"Okay," Jack mumbles quietly to himself, shoving his head deeper into his pillow, "This is not hard. He's your friend. It's not hard. It's like... texting Zack or Rian. Okay."

After his little pep talk he finally settles for sending a casual yet friendly 'hey, it's Jack'.

"Keep it simple," Jack mutters, laying his phone down on his chest, "Keep it friendly."

He just about jumped out of his skin when it vibrated on top of him. Nerves flood his system and it was all he could do not to shake as he looked at the screen.

"Jack?" He reads it aloud, typing back a response right away, not caring if it seems desperate.

'Yeah, it's me,' he returns.

Moments later Alex replies with 'Do I know you?'

Jack thinks Alex's joke is of poor taste, they hadn't spoken in months and now he's making jokes about it? What the fuck?

'Yeah Alex it's Jack. Guitarist of your band. You know.' You know, your ex boyfriend, your ex lover, whatever you wanna call it.

It took a few minutes for the next reply to buzz in, which kind of ticks Jack off... then he reads the screen.

'My name is Jasper, I think you have the wrong number.'

Wrong number. Of course.

Jack cringes and types back a brief apology. He swears that that is Alex's number. He had to recall it from memory because he'd deleted Alex's contact information weeks ago, but he'd seen it enough times to remember it correctly.

He looks back at the number he typed in and sure enough he'd typed a 2 where there should be a 5. Smooth move, he thought to himself but really it was probably better that he didn't text Alex anyways.

He smooshes his face back into his pillow once more and tells himself it's time for bed, totally not thinking about what would have happened if he'd typed the number right.

~~~

Part of Jack's healing process is going out with his friends every chance he got. Get drunk, distract himself. It's a good time, and after the last few days that's really what he needs. So when one of his friends texts him about going out he doesn't even hesitate to say yes. One thing nags him though, and it's almost all he could think about.

His friends are also friends with Alex. They haven't seen Alex in a while and the thing is that none of them know about their past. They just think Jack was upset about some random girl he never told anyone about. So, he comes to the realization that his friends won't see any harm in asking Alex to tag along on their little outing.

And that's what they do.

Jack has to try hard to hide his disdain when Tom confirms what Jack already concluded in the uber on the way to the spot they were hanging out at. He thinks of a billion excuses to have the car turn around and take him home but he doesn't say anything. He knows it would be weird. Plus he isn't going to let Alex take this from him too. He just won't let him ruin his fun, simple as that.

Jack and Tom squeeze into a rounded booth that everyone was already sitting in. Alex catches his eyes only when Jack sits down across from him. It lasts a few seconds until Jack lowers his eyes and joins the conversation happening around the table. Someone's already ordered drinks so Jack grabs one from the table and starts at it. Jack hopes none of the guys noticed the awkward moment.

When there's no drinks left on the table Jack graciously gets up to get more for the group. Alex's eyes were on his back as he disappeared into the crowd.

While waiting to get service after the array of attractive girls the bartenders were more interested in, Jack notices a band starting up their set on the other side of the room. The singer who steps up to the mic is confident and charismatic, he's got a natural knack for being in the spotlight. He introduces his band, which Jack has never heard of, and kicks into a song.

Jack actually likes it. They sound good, and they've got a good stage presence. It remind's him of All Time Low's early days.

"It's weird isn't it?" Jack recognizes Alex's voice without even having to turn. "It's like after all this time I've forgotten what it was like to be in the crowd."

Jack sighs lightly and turns to face Alex lounging on the bar beside him. It's apparent that Alex is in a confident mood, but Jack just thinks it's because he's pretty buzzed.

"The guitarist kind of looks like you," Alex says quietly, eyes never leaving Jack's.

Jack turns slightly to see the guitarist who he hadn't paid much attention to before. He's jumping around in a similar way to how Jack does when he's on stage. "Oh," he mumbles, looking back, "I was looking at the front man before." He doesn't mention how the boy reminds him of Alex. "His stage personality is good."

Alex nods, letting the topic of the young band slip away as he speaks again. "You never texted me."

Jack didn't know what to say. That he'd tried? That he had the wrong number because he deleted Alex's contact info months ago so he wouldn't be tempted to call him while Alex was on vacation again? Because that went so well the first time.

"Yeah, I've just been pretty busy is all," Jack says uncertainly, "Practice and hanging out with everyone has got me swamped."

It was obvious that Alex is hurt based on the look on his face, which made Jack's chest tighten, but he just nods. "I just, uh, I miss you. And I've got tons of new lyrics I've been working on. I want you to hear them."

Jack's heart skipped a beat, and he silently cursed himself for it. "Uh, yeah. It's probably time we get the band back together anyways. I'll text Zack and Rian to-"

He cuts him off, "It's not that I don't want them to hear, it's just that I want to show you first." Alex smiles a little and sighs, "If you'll let me."

Jack blinks. "Uhm, I don't-"

"Please?" he cuts in again, "It's just music."

It was never 'just music' with Alex before, but maybe now... after everything Alex is finally actually trying to be friends. Just friends. Yeah.

"Okay," Jack agrees, not knowing if this was a huge mistake or not.

~~~

Jack convinces himself he can't breathe just as the uber pulls up to Alex's house. He shakes as he opens the car door and steps out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jack whispers, squeezing his eyes closed after he's knocked on the front door. No turning back now. 

Alex smiles when he opens the door, also seemingly out of breath. He tells him he's glad to see him and Jack nods, following him inside. 

He has two things on his mind. One, he hadn't been to this place in a long time. It looks the same except for a few new picture frames and a feminine touch left by Lisa. Who, speaking of which, was number 2. Where was Alex's wife? 

As if Alex could read Jack's mind he says, "Lisa is out in the backyard. She'll be leaving soon to go shopping with her friends." 

"Right," Jack mutters, not quite sure if he really cares or not. 

"Anyways, we can go to the studio. She won't bother us." Alex tells him. 

"Okay," Jack mouths, following Alex. He's getting a faint sense of deja vu while having this conversation. He knows what all this used to mean meant and he hopes Alex doesn't have the wrong idea about what's about to happen in the studio. Because Jack is set on nothing happening that shouldn't. 

"I'm really excited for you to hear this stuff," Alex admits as he flips through a small lyric book he picked up on their way into the room. Jack remembers Alex's home studio well. They used to spend a lot of time here making music, and well, not making music. "I hope that... well, I just hope you like it." 

Before, Jack would sprawl out across the huge couch that sat a few feet away from the mixing table, but it's not before and he can barely even look at that couch anymore. He sits on the stool that spins, the twisting gives him something to focus on. 

Alex, however, does sit on the couch. It is his after all. Jack watches as Alex puts on a brave face and hands him the notebook. He almost doesn't even want to read it. What is it now? Love songs about Lisa? Songs about how much he loves his life? Jack doesn't want to read about that, but Alex is staring at him pleadingly so he turns his eyes down. 

It isn't at all what he expected. The top of the page reads "Last Young Renegade". This song is about him, about them. Jack reads over it three times and yes that's about him.

As he reads it over and over he feels the band-aide being slowly ripped off while the knife plunges back into the barely recovering wound. He's back to square one and it hurts so fucking bad. 

He doesn't want to look back up at Alex, he wants to stay on those pages in a world where the boy he loves still wants him. Because based on those words, Alex still feels something for him. Jack didn't want to look him in the eye because he's afraid what he was looking for won't be there. 

"Jack..." 

"What is this?" Jack says hoarsely without looking up. 

"A song I wrote, I-" Alex stops himself and stands up, "Fuck, Jack can you look at me? Please?" 

Jack swallows back a snarky reply and looks up at his ex lover. 

"I just need you to know you aren't nothing to me." Alex looks like he wants to come closer to Jack, touch him, but he doesn't. He pulls on his hair, pacing. "Fuck I don't know how to say these things... I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. Even just being around you as a friend. I miss the way you smile and the way you make me smile. I miss when we used to talk for hours and laugh about stupid things in your bedroom late at night. I miss every moment I spent with you and I know I can't ever get it back because most of all I don't deserve it. I'd be lying if I said I don't love her, but Jack I fucking love you too." 

Jack sits, unable to say a thing. He wants to go back so badly to before when things were good. He wants to forget all this even happened. He wants Alex to tell him he still wants him and for them to start over, but Jack promised himself he won't be a side chick anymore. 

"Alex... I..." Jack stares at the boy in front of him, tears flowing freely down his cheeks at this point, "You broke my heart. You completely crushed it and walked away. I love you, I always will, but you can't expect me to just..."

"I don't!" Alex insists, moving towards Jack, "I don't expect you to do anything. I just want you to know." 

"What exactly do you want me to know?" Jack cries. He has to look up to see Alex's face. 

"That I love you," Alex whispers, hand finally reaching out to touch Jack's scruffy cheek. Nothing else matters in the world in that moment. Jack sees Alex's eyes going watery too so he guesses that neither of them saw it coming when their lips met. He isn't sure which one of them did it but once it starts there's no stopping. They're both crying and kissing each other feverishly and Jack doesn't know how they got here. 

Somehow Jack worms his fingers into Alex's hair, pulling him into his own body, not letting him get away again. Their lips met again and again as they clutch the other's body like a lifeline. 

Jack only realizes the extent of his actions when the kissing finally seizes and their foreheads press together. They're almost panting into each other's mouths. A door slams and makes them both jump. Alex's eyes are the size of the moon, and Jack is sure his aren't far off. 

They can hear her sobs even through the door. 

~~~

Jack doesn't hear all of it, only bits and pieces really. Alex went after Lisa but he didn't have to go far. Jack can see from inside the studio that she's slumped down on the floor. Jack looks away, but Alex closes the door behind him anyways. 

He hears her talk about how she knew they were something. Apparently she'd asked Alex about them numerous times before but was always lied to. Jack doesn't want to believe it was that obvious, but he supposes it was back then. 

She's angry and sad and Jack's sure she feels betrayed. He's sure she hates him now and deep down he feels bad for her, because he knows what it's like to see Alex with someone else too. 

Finally she says she's done and informs him she's tired of playing this game. Highly defeated and upset she leaves. She never let Alex speak, but Jack is sure he doesn't have much to say anyways. He'd been caught red handed, even if it was confusing for them too. 

Alex comes back into the room and silently sits on the arm of the couch. Jack holds back the temptation of saying 'Welllllllll?' as he waits for Alex to say something. 

The boy on the couch massages his faces with his fingers and pulls at his hair, "Uh, she's leaving me. She thinks she's knows about us for years and she thinks we've been doing this all along." 

"We have been," Jack mumbles, "Kind of..." 

"Yeah," Alex says, crossing his arms, "I know. That's why I didn't try to stop her. She deserves someone who's not in love with someone else." 

Jack looks at his hands. This whole situation was a lot for him. It was too much to take in at once. "Look, uhm, I should go. I've gotta..." 

Alex shoots Jack a slight smile, "Think things through? Yeah, me too." 

Jack stands up and Alex stays where he is. Hesitantly, Jack goes to him and takes his hand. They've switched spots. Jack looks down into Alex's eyes. "I'll call you soon okay?" 

Alex nods and Jack backs away without another word. 

~~~

Of course this is what Jack wants and has wanted for all these months. He just wants Alex back, but he has to stop himself for a moment before he completely surrenders himself into this.

Jack has worked so fucking hard to crawl out of the crater Alex left him in. He is finally standing on his own again and he isn't sure if he's ready to give himself to anybody, let alone the person who made him this way. 

How does he know Alex wouldn't do it again? How does he know he'll survive it this time if Alex leaves him in the dust again?

Jack has to choose between what his heart wants and what his head knows he needs. He isn't ready. Maybe one day he will be after he grows as a person and relearns how to even be friends with Alex. Maybe when Alex has recovered from loosing Lisa and Jack is positive Alex will sick around he'll be willing to start something again. 

But until then he has to tell Alex no. It's one of the hardest things he's ever had to do, but right now it's for the best, and Jack can tell Alex knows that too. 

~~~

When time passes one of two things happen. People either grow apart or they get closer. Luckily for Jack and Alex they don't have a chance to grow apart. With the new album being top priority they have to spend a lot of time together focusing on music. It's tense at first, then after a while it isn't. 

By the end of this album Jack catches himself admiring the small things Alex does daily, the way he plays guitar, the way he sings. Their eyes catch from across the studio and soft, shy smiles are exchanged in passing. 

And then, the album is finished and everyone's cleared out of the studio, plans for tour are already being talked about on the way out the door. The only two who remain are Jack and Alex of course. 

Jack sits next to Alex on the big couch that's been theirs all along. Alex's fingers play with loose threads on Jack's jeans, it makes them both smile. They don't say anything, still so proud of the way the album came out. The air between them is no longer thick with tension and bitterness. It's light and airy, yet somehow better than it used to be. 

Jack realizes something sitting there. He doesn't feel that ache in his chest anymore. He'd felt it almost everyday for the past year and it's just gone. It's replaced with this warm feeling as he makes eye contact with Alex. 

Jack feels whole again and he doesn't even second guess himself when he takes Alex's hand in his own, fingers lacing. Jack smiles at his boy and a weight lifts off his chest. Alex grins back.

They don't have to say it. They already know. 

Things are looking up for them, in more ways than one.


End file.
